I fucking hate cooking

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Ugh… So I’m on Thug Kitchen. And I decide to try making these Vegan Burgers.

No… I’m not a vegan.

But he called them “Healthy Hand Grenades” and that shit made it sound cool.

I have got to say it, Cooking is THEEEE most frustrating fucking thing on the planet.

For the record lets just let it be known I could PROBABLY buy a vegan burger somewhere in this redneck city? And it would probably cost…. 2-3 as much as a regular burger lets say? (All the ingredients INCLUDING full things of spices was under $50 and makes 18 burgers with plenty of ingredients left over)

For this privilege I had to spend a good hour at the Grocery store finding Cumin and shit.

Then I gotta cart all this shit inside and wash it because WebMD and Facebook memes have me convinced that veggies are coated in Cyanide and Anthrax.

Then I gotta chop and dice and try and use my magic bullet as a food processor and somehow convince myself that blended spinach and kidney beans looks like yummy food, instead of runny pig shit.

Half-way in notice that the recipe called for cooked brown rice which is why I now have 44 minutes to write this bullshit.

Then once this is done I gotta mix the runny pig shit, the million little ingredients and 45 minute rice ball in a big bowl…. Get my hands and kitchen all dirty.

Then place them on a sheet and bake them.

(The only easy part)

All in the HOPES that this hippie-hamburger is actually going to taste good.

In the TWO FUCKING HOURS this will take. I could have gone to work, sold a car, gone to the gym, masturbate, or watched the new Star Trek movie.

But no, instead I’m doing this delusional labour if love called COOKING?!

How does this bullshit make sense. Kings had slaves to do this, today the wealthy have chefs. You wanna know why?!? Cuz they don’t waste hours of every day fucking cooking.

I hate cooking so much! I don’t mind eating healthy, but I HAAAAAAAAAAATE cooking.

Now that I’m half way in though I gotta see it through, but I think it’s back to oat meal, eggs and non-cooked food for a while. Ugh…

I tip my hat to anyone that can actually do this.

EDIT:

Heres the Final Product.

FTW

FTW

All done.

All done.

6 thoughts on “I fucking hate cooking

  1. Pingback: Life Lessons from My Father | I Prefer Heels

  2. Pingback: Tofurkey, Toe-fuck-yourself | Fisch Fail, INC.

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